What Do Women Think About Approach Anxiety?

I truly believe that men and women are more alike than different.

As a matter of fact, the more time I spend immersed in the study of what attracts MOTOS (Members Of The Opposite Sex) to one another, the more amazed I become that the genders have such a notoriously difficult time understanding each other.

When you get right down to it, most of the confusion tends to happen because most of us-men and women-have a hard time getting outside of our own heads and considering the perspective of someone else.

And yes, you are inferring correctly: That propensity toward getting stuck in our own headspace is precisely one of those areas that is not particularly "gender-specific".

Once could almost surmise that it's this "similarity" in particular that is exactly what causes us to believe that MOTOS are "impossible to understand". How's that for the Mother Of All Ironies?

No concept better underscores this than what is commonly known as "approach anxiety".

This needs no introduction for 99% of you who are reading this. Since the dawn of time, men have encountered women who interest them sexually...and have collectively clammed up.

Even the most ostensibly fearless men out there fold up and collapse when confronted with the idea of approaching a particularly interesting woman.

In fact, because they often fear the verdict of either being "accepted" or "rejected" by a woman they've pre-approved on sight, the ensuing "contest" which could result in "getting beat by a girl" is too much especially for the "tough guys" among us.

Some of the biggest wusses around hotties I've ever known were U.S. Marines on 1000cc sportbikes. Go figure.

Whatever the exact reason for approach anxiety (e.g. fear of rejection, lack of things to say, "getting beat by a girl", etc.), most men deal with it at least sometime in their lives.

Meanwhile, over in the Land Of The MOTOS, women are typically unaware that approach anxiety even exists...let alone is such a massive limiting factor for the vast majority of men.

You are reading correctly. Most women don't even realize men fear approaching them.

Of course, most of us guys have no idea how women themselves view approach anxiety. They've never bothered to find out. After all, that would have involved walking up to them and asking them, right?

The first time Emily heard the term "approach anxiety", she fully acknowledged that even she had no idea it was going on.

For her, and for every single one of her friends, the automatic assumption had been made that men who don't walk up to them and say "hello" are simply uninterested.

Following logically, this means that since over 95% of all men are too timid to approach a woman, most women go through life thinking that less than 5% of all men are actually interested in them.

Factor in the reality that the more intriguing a woman is to a broader cross-section of the male population the greater the percentage of men who lack the courage to approach her becomes, and you can quickly figure out why so many particularly sharp women are dateless.

I specifically remember the Homecoming Queen at my high school not having a date for the dance. And that's just one example.

Recently I went and tested what I had learned. I asked every reasonably attractive woman I happened across how often guys came up to them an introduced themselves.

By far the most frequent answer was, "Uh...not often." For many, it was such a seldom occurrence that each time it happened was like a "scene from a movie", soon to be recounted to every one of her girlfriends in detail.

And yes...to my own utter shock, admittedly...the vast majority of women usually assumed that men who didn't talk to them were simply uninterested. Granted, most knew that some men were too shy to talk to them, but virtually none of them realized how universal approach anxiety actually is.

What's more, here's the real kicker: Most women I talked to claimed that they wished more men would talk to them. They LOVE when it happens, and would be thrilled if it happened more often.

Simply put, they fail to comprehend why they're so blasted "scary" to men. Repeatedly, I heard things like this come out of the women's mouths I checked in with: "Who me? Why in the world am I so scary to men? I'm a nice person!"

When I explained to these women how very real approach anxiety is to most men, and that a far higher percentage of men around them probably were very interested than they supposed, most of them fell slack jawed.

"Wow. Really? And here I was thinking I just wasn't so attractive after all."

Oh, and for what it's worth, I probably asked 50-75 women about this. Not one of them was rude to me. Not one.

Here's the bottom line, if you can get out of your own head and understand what's really going on inside a woman's for a change, you'll find that an "unfair advantage" has been right under your nose all this time.

All you ever had to do was take it and make it your own.

Women everywhere are watching most men walk right on by and are wondering what's wrong with themselves. I realize this is a preposterous thought to you.

But how could your life change if you put it to the test?

Remember, women follow your lead. If you can walk up to a woman confidently, expecting a positive reception, then she will immediately feel comfortable and positive toward you.

Contrast this with "collecting" all your nervous energy and bracing yourself for a "contest" when approaching a woman. Uneasiness begets an unsettling feeling in a woman, which is contrary to the security she must feel in order to respond well to you.

And when you expect rejection, you lead a woman to give you exactly what you expect.

Instead, equipped with the knowledge that a woman probably is all but oblivious to the very existence of approach anxiety, take that life lesson and begin viewing women as they view themselves.

They're wondering why you keep passing them by. After all, they're just not that scary to themselves.

Show All Articles By Scot McKay

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