Sugar-daddies have been around for centuries, older males seeking the younger (and therefore more fertile) females in order to ensure the birth of many children. There are still many older men sporting young women on their arms nowadays, though for much less sinister reasons. The new breed of Cougar has also come into dominance, many women choosing a much younger mate. Many more people are also meeting those of a different age group on online dating sites.

Having a relationship across an age gap can be very difficult, especially when it comes to dealing with other people's perceptions of it. Here are a few ways to handle the differences...

Ensure Deep Compatibility

Make sure you share a compatibility with your partner that runs deeper than aesthetics. If you're just with them because they attract you physically and make you feel younger then this might not be the best foundation for a serious attachment. If you're just there for looks and they're there for financial dependency then your upholding the very stereotype that has blackened the name of these kinds of relationships in the first place. Make sure you love each other and are truly compatible before committing to something serious, or there could be trouble somewhere down the line.

Avoid Condescension

The worst thing you could do to someone younger than you is patronise them. However, it is very easy to do this unconsciously. Try to be sensitive to the fact that they may not have had as much experience as you in some areas and never let this create feelings of superiority on your part. Feeling and acting in a superior way will only push you apart.

Be Sensitive to Money Issues

Understand that your partner may not be as financially stable as you are. They could still be at the start of their career or with fewer assets and savings. Make sure dates and gifts are never too lavish. Also, never offer to pay for anything as in most cases this will only cause offence. Maintaining a sense of equality over financial matters is very important to keeping your relationship healthy.

Include Them in Your Whole Life

If you have children, make sure to include your partner in their lives. You should be able to share everything with them, even if it means introducing elements of your life that are beyond their realms of experience, your life as a parent for example. If you're reluctant to share this then that's not a good sign.

Ignore Other's Comments

Learn to ignore other's jibes and scepticisms about the age difference. If you're happy in yourself then that should be good enough for everyone else. Just repeat the mantra 'love conquers all' whenever other's doubts start to bother you.

Whether you met on a singles Cambridge website or on holiday, don't let an age gap and its unpleasant stigma ruin your relationship. There are ways to cope.

Steve Davis
©2011

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