Here's the scene: You're in a bar. A girl walks in looking like she just stepped off the pages of Playboy and into your watering hole - killer body, blond hair, and super sexy. However, as the night progresses, you watch her get drunker by the moment, throwing herself at every male that passes by. You're thinking, "You're so hot! Why do you have to ruin it by trying so hard?" Well, I hate to break it to you, buddy, but this is what you look like when you're trying to get your Don Juan on.

Women can spot a bull-shit artist from a mile away. What you consider "game" renders eye rolls from the fairer sex. Look around at your friends that do best with the ladies. What's their secret? It's no game at all. Women respond best to men who seem to have a genuine interest in who they are. Fine wines and a dozen roses are a wonderful thought, but mean nothing if you make it all about the show. Simply trying to impress her is not the goal. Treat her like she impresses you.

Over doing it with a woman is a sign of insecurity, and insecurity is not a turn-on. How many jokes have you heard about men with fancy cars over-compensating for other areas? It's not about what stuff you can put in front of her. It's about the connection you make with a woman. You could be sitting in a dirty coffee shop in Harlem, but if you two are making a connection in an intellectual-emotional way, you will dazzle her more than if you were dropping $500 a plate at Nobu. Showering her with luxuries with no substance behind it comes across as desperate.

This translates to the bedroom. I know you want to blow her mind, especially the first time, but you don't have to do so every time...especially the first time. Much how you don't immediately know how she likes her coffee or what her favorite childhood toy was, knowing where all her hot spots are requires some getting to know each other. Going into the first time with guns a-blazin' is about as suave as asking her "what's your sign?"

Just the same as on a date, the time in the bedroom should being about experiencing each other. Instead of twisting her into a pretzel and busting out every sex toy known to man, start simply. Feel her skin, and kiss her lips. All the tricks can come once you know each other.

Michael Webb
©2009

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