There are many reasons why people wish to marry. Mutually understood and accepted by both partners, none of these reasons is necessarily bad. If your primary goal in marriage, however, is mutual nurturing and growth in personal intimacy, plus a lifetime of satisfaction, here are some general guidelines on the types of individuals to avoid.

• Those who do not share your moral convictions and commitment to your Christian faith.


• Those interested in something you have to give rather than yourself. This might be money, a home, service such as being a father or mother to children, housekeeping, making a living, etc.


• Those still attached by fighting or other emotional involvements to a former spouse or lover and those severely hurt by a past relationship and not yet healed.


• Those still attached to "Mama" or "Daddy" who can't break free from their parent's unhealthy emotional control.


• Those whom you basically don't like. Sexual "chemistry" may temporarily mask the fact that you really don't like a person. Ask yourself, "Would I want to spend time with this person if there were no sexual attraction between us?"


• Those who lie to you about anything. You can never trust anyone who will lie or hide the truth from you, regardless of the motive.


• Those with whom you can't seem to communicate, who often seem to be talking about something entirely different from what you are talking about. Admit it. Sometimes individuals just cannot get on the same wavelength for sharing.


• Those who refuse to communicate and talk out problems in the relationship.


• Those you feel you could not commit to for a lifetime.


• Those with severe problems that you are not equipped to help them deal with - any addiction or compulsive behavior, any psychological problem that affects that person's life and relationships.


• Those you think you could "change" into the kind of person you want and need.


• Those who are extremely needy emotionally or dependent, a person who indicates by word or action, "I can't live without you." These people are usually takers and not givers. Plus their obsessions with particular people tend to disappear with familiarity and be replaced by other obsessions.

Set yourself and your partner up for the best opportunity to establish a nurturing relationship and a happy life. Make wise choices concerning the people you date and avoiding traps that could lead to misery and an unhappy outcome.

Sandra Turner
©2009

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