Most men seem to think that there is a method to sex - it's called the Foreplay-Penetration-Ejaculation (FPE) Sequence. There are two major things wrong with this misconception: 1) It's boring, and 2) It's all about your pleasure. I will elaborate by addressing the issues one at a time.

Why it's boring

The bore factor of FPE may be obvious to some, but let me explain further as to why. Let's say you really like a certain kind of bratwurst, so you have two a day for dinner. After a while, it no longer becomes a special treat. It still tastes delicious, but it ceases to be interesting. You may end up losing your taste for it all together. She will react the same way to boring sex. Maybe you go down on her every day, fulfilling the Foreplay obligation of the FPE sequence. How long until you're down there for hours, tongue exhausted, while she's filing her nails? The best lover is the one who understands variety. I'm not talking about whips and chains and three-ways, just a willingness to vary the process from time to time.

Communication is key! Couples are sometimes embarrassed to talk openly about what happens in the bedroom, but for different reasons. Women are generally socialized to not criticize. Men will take suggestions as a blow to their egos. However, direction is not criticism. You are not a mind reader, nor should she expect you to be. Encourage open dialogue, even in the middle of the act. If she is telling you, "to the left, to the left," this is not criticism of your technique; she's just helping you figure out what feels good to her. Now onto the next problem.

Why it's all about your pleasure.

I have some bad news. Your partner does not think that your penis is God's gift to the world. She is not in bed with you so she can look at your penis, stroke your penis, or smother your penis with undying adoration. You're the only one in the room who is that blatantly fond of your member. She is in bed with you because of you. She likes you enough to allow you to enter her body. Don't give her a reason to reconsider.

The semantics of FPE explains the issue. She neither penetrates you (unless you're into that kind of thing) nor does she ejaculate (well, some women do). The part that is most pleasurable to her is relegated to the opening third of the act. There is no law that says sex has to happen in that exact sequence, nor is it necessary to see sex as merely penetration. The act of being intimate is sex to her. Touching, kissing, sucking, and caressing are all part of it. Readjust your thinking for her sake, and don't make your member the primary factor in the situation. Remember, there are two people in that bed, and only one penis.

Michael Webb
©2009

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