Dealing with ex-spouses is one of the most frustrating parts of remarriage. If you are fortunate enough to be married to someone whose ex-spouse is cordial to you, take a minute and praise God!! If not, this article is for you...

The hard part is that if you have step-kids then the ex-spouse came with the marriage package you joined. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you can work through healthy ways of taking care of yourself when it comes to the ex-spouse. Yes, your life might be a lot easier if they weren't in the picture, but the reality is that they are your step children's other parent. If you try to focus on this aspect, you'll understand why it's essential that the ex-spouse remain a permanent fixture.

With that being the case, how can you work with this difficult situation?

It's not your battle - Rely on your spouse. Barring very rare situations, there isn't much call for you to have contact with the ex-spouse. You might be at shared events, but that doesn't mean you have to have a lengthy conversation. Let your spouse deal with visitation issues and parenting concerns.

Civility is the key - Regardless of how your partner's ex may act toward you, you need to remain civil. Civil means "not lacking in common courtesy." Our natural reaction is to want to lash out when someone is rude or hurtful. While it may make you feel better at the time, it just makes everything worse in the long run. How will that help things become less tense? How will that benefit your spouse who HAS to continue dealing with this person? How will that help your step kids?

Trust you will be vindicated - This is a hard one, because we like to take care of our own business. That's why Romans 12:19 is one of my favorites Bible verses: "My friends, do not try to punish others when they wrong you, but wait for God to punish them with his anger. It is written: 'I will punish those who do wrong; I will repay them,' says the Lord."

Let it go - Jesus commanded in Matthew 5:44 - "love your enemies. Pray for those who hurt you." Oh boy, that's a hard one, isn't it??!! I think they are very wise words though. The point is to get you to stop focusing on how you've been wronged. You don't have control over how this person treats you. If you spend all your time wrapped up in that, you're wasting a lot of time and energy you could be spending on loving your family and your life. Upsetting you is EXACTLY what they are trying to do. Let it go!!

Enjoy your marriage. Enjoy your family. Don't let bitterness and anger by an ex-spouse steal that joy from you.

You may be asking, "What are some other things I can do to protect myself?" There are two answers: education and support.

Alyssa Johnson at Remarriage Success
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