Penalty Phase
- Getting Out of a Tough Moment
by
Jaci Rae
Arguments happen in every kind of relationship. They're just a part of life. Therefore, it's how we handle those moments that will define the future of our relationships and how well they prosper and grow. I am sure that you've heard it said many times that in a heated moment you have to watch your words.
This is because words are very powerful and whatever you say can never be taken back. So try to follow a few basic steps when a heated argument arises in your life. Step back and don't say a word until you have had a chance to process the situation. Try to really hear, not just listen to what the other person is saying. Even if you don't agree with them, accept the fact that its how they feel and you will go a long way if you hear what they are saying. Your partner will begin to feel validated and believe that you do care about their feelings.
Once you have listened to your partner's side, offer to sit down to discuss the matter together. It's important to use an even tone, no matter how angry you may be. Once you are seated, start asking questions about why your partner feels the way he/she does and listen to his/her response, again using an even tone. Be sincere. After you have listened carefully to your partner's side, explain how you feel without acting as though you are trying to win a debate and annihilate them.
Ask your partner what he/she thinks a fair solution to the problem would be, and listen thoughtfully, continuing to look him/her in the eye. Tilting your head a bit to the side will give a non-verbal cue that you are even more interested in what your partner has to say. Tell your partner that you value
If there still remains a difference in opinion, try to come to some sort of compromise. You both may even need to walk away and think about some things for a while, agreeing that once you come back together you will come to some sort of compromise. Don't let anything--children, phone calls or anything else-- get in the way of coming back together for a resolution. If you let the problem go, it will only fester and explode into something bigger at a later date. Resolve it now!
If the problem is too large for both of you to find a compromise, you may need to seek someone from the outside--a wise friend, a counselor at your church or a professional counselor--to help you to come to a resolution. Whatever you both decide on, make sure that you follow through on the decision and not just brush it under the rug. Do what you say, say what you do!
Jaci Rae
©2006
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