Renee Grant-Williams, a celebrity vocal coach, says, "The people we deal with in life come to know us by the three ways in which we present ourselves: (a) how we look; (b) what we say; and (c) how we say it." Obviously, this applies just as much to women as it does to men. If not more.

So if you want to impress women, you're gonna have to carefully think about how you present yourself. Let's look at each category.

A. How We Look

Whether you like it or not, dress is crucial. It says a lot about you: whether you care about how you look, or you don't. But you don't have to dress like a Hollywood celebrity to look good.

Here are some tips on how to dress for success:

1. Get a female friend or sister to help you pick your clothes. If you don't know what to wear, get someone who does know! Ask a female friend or acquaintance to go shopping with you. She's sure to be flattered, and if you reward her with a gift certificate or DVD, she'll be all the more motivated to help you out.

2. Check out the latest styles. Go to the bar or club and see what others are wearing. Observe what the guys who do well with women wear. Look in magazines and catalogues and see what it's in style.

3. Wear what conforms to your identity. Hey, if you're the hardworking, businessman type, wear formal clothes that accent your career. If you're the snowboarder/skater type, wear grungy clothes that accent your loose, laid-back persona. And if you're really into music, don't be afraid to express yourself with the types of clothes that rock stars and musicians like to wear! You can't force a style upon yourself; clothes are a form of marketing, so market yourself like you would a product, in the way that best shows what you're all about.

The same goes for your hair: If you want to convey a clean-cut, crisp image, then you might want to shave and cut your hair short. But if you're trying to convey a rebel image, a goatee, long hair, and tattoos are probably in order.

And speaking of tattoos, don't forget that they are an ACCESSORY that further helps you to market yourself. Tats, jewelry, and even hats are great ways to mold your image to the man you want to present to women. If you're a snowboarder, for example, a wool hat says "Cool". Or if you're an aspiring rapper or musician, a doo rag has a place in your wardrobe. Consider the accessories that best conform to you as a person.

B. What We Say

Here are some great topics to talk about:

* Your dreams. Let a girl know that you have a purpose and direction in your life, that you're not a wandering bum!

* Funny stories. Humor is a great aphrodisiac. Think about some funny things that have happened in your life. But make sure your delivery is good--more below.

* Her. The Dalai Lama said, "Sometimes one creates a dynamic impression by saying something, and sometimes one creates as significant an impression by remaining silent." Don't be afraid to let a girl speak for a while. Be silent, but be interested. Actively listen to what she says. It'll go a long way towards upping the attraction meter!

* Teasing/Playing around. This is a great technique, especially if you don't know exactly what to talk about. Throw in an occasional joke or funny moment. I have a friend who has a great technique for handling silence. He laughs to himself, prompting the girl to ask, "What?" He'd say in a sly way that would invite curiosity, "Nah, you don't want to know. I'm in deep thought." She'd respond, "Tell me! Tell me!" So he'd do the whole Meow Mix song ("Meow meow meow meow..."). It's just one of many great ways to lighten the moment, and show you're a relaxed, none-too-serious person.

* Last but not least, sex. One relationship guru brilliantly says, "TALKING about sex is the first step towards having it." Ask her if she's a bad girl, or what's the craziest thing she's ever done in her life-with a bit of innuendo added into your voice. This isn't the kind of stuff you want to talk about right away, but when things are going good, it's great to show your "inner bad boy". She'll know what you mean, and get excited thinking about it.

Likewise, here are some topics that you SHOULD NOT talk about:

• Offensive humor. Chris Rock's racial humor may be entertaining, but it's not a good topic for a first date!
• Politics. There's nothing to be gained by arguing over issues and parties.
• Past girlfriends. An absolute no-no. All you do is play a game that makes one of you jealous or suspicious of the other. Stay away from this topic, but if she DOES ask you about past girlfriends, talk respectfully about them so you don't come off as an insecure whiner.
• Inside jokes between you and your friends. They're called inside jokes for a reason--keep them that way!
• Anything that could be interpreted as geeky or dorky, such as science-fiction. Unless you know for a fact that she's into science fiction and comic books, keep it to yourself for now. The last thing you want to come across as is a geek!
• Too much about yourself, your possessions, how great you are, etc. Bragging only makes you look insecure. Even if you own a yacht, don't talk about it like it makes you any more special than her.

C. How We Say It

Of course, none of these topics, particularly funny stories, are gonna work if you don't know to deliver them. Delivery in speech is crucial. People who have good delivery can make an otherwise dull story an exciting one. I highly suggest you read "Voice Power" by the aforementioned Renee grant Williams. Here are some tips she recommends:

1. Use consonants. That is, accent your speech. If you're talking about a great concert you went to, no one will believe it's that great if you say in a monotone voice, "That was a great concert." That puts people to sleep. Instead, say, "Man, that was a grrrreat concert!" The Tony the Tiger voice. If she says something, don't say as if you're bored, "Really." Say, "Rrrreally?", then, with emphasis, "WOW." It works!

2. Don't use unnecessary words and details. If you're talking about a time when you and your friends went to Cancun, don't bother with the unnecessary details like the food they served on the plane, the wait for the taxi, or the sheets they used in the hotel. Get to the point!

3. Silence. As Williams says, Silence does speak a thousand words. There's nothing better than the "power pause", especially when trying to captivate your listeners with a story of bravery. You can lead up to something powerful, then pause while the girl takes it in and after a few seconds of silence, say, "But that's not all..." Or

4. Drama and comedy. Don't be afraid to sprinkle some dramatic and comedic flair into your speech. If you're talking about a goofy incident with your buddy, laugh along with it. When you laugh, it's a cue for other people to laugh. Chris Rock does this all the time; he laughs at his own scripts, and it has the power of making his routine all the funnier. Likewise, if you're telling a dramatic story of something amazing like rescuing people from a car accident, talk with conviction and suspense. It really goes a long way towards spellbinding women; they love a great story, especially a heroic one.

5. Use body language. It's not enough to talk with your arms beside your side and your butt on your seat. Talk with your arms, with your hands, your body language creating a sense of excitement. It's a fact: enthusiasm is contagious. So show some enthusiasm with your vocal and body languages!

Finally, change your pitch. If things are going well, lower your pitch, give her your best Barry White. If you're talking about a funny moment, a louder, more excited pitch is probably best. Recognize the mood and alter your voice to conform to it.

Congratulations! You're on your way to making great impressions on great women. Recognize the power of speech and appearance, and you're bound to succeed.

Don't forget, if you want to learn more about making yourself unforgettable to women by making unforgettable impressions, visit my website at "How to Be Irresistible to Women."

Now it's YOUR turn!

James Brito, Relationship Expert
©2011

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