"Marriage is meant to be forever." We grow up longing for that. Unfortunately that reality isn't easy to achieve. Anyone who's been married for more than a day knows marriage is a lot of hard work - duh!! But what kind of work do YOU need to be responsible for in creating a successful marriage?

We are told to love. 1 Peter 4:8 tells us, "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." That can be a lot easier said than done though. So what does love in action look like? I thought we'd use the most commonly read item in wedding ceremonies to take a deeper look at how love is to be played out every day in our marriages. Forgive me if it seems cliché, but its simplicity helps me to clarify this difficult concept:

Love is patient - Living with someone day in and day out will cause the two of you to become annoyed with one another occasionally. You're different people, with different needs and different ways of doing things. It's going to happen no matter how "ga ga" you feel about one another. Patience is bearing with that annoyance without bursting out into anger. It isn't just ignoring the situation, but it's also not allowing it to eat away the relationship.

Love is kind - How can you help your spouse? Do you think of them and their needs first? We tend to be selfish by nature. It takes an effort to place someone else's needs before our own. Are you considerate of what your partner needs? We marry so that we have a partner to walk through life with. Are you walking next to your spouse or in front of them?

It does not envy - Do you take pride in your spouse? What steps do you take to boost them up and make them feel successful? Jealousy should never have a place in your marriage.

It does not boast, it is not proud - Again, love is other focused. We get into a lot of trouble when we begin looking only at what WE are getting out of the marriage. Marriage is a gift given to both partners. There are times when you will be giving much more than receiving. That's the normal flow of a marriage. If you focus only on your needs, you won't be able to make it through those seasons of giving successfully.

It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs - This is the person you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with. Why would you purposely try to hurt them? Does it make sense to lash out in anger with the intention to inflict pain? There is no place for this in a marriage. Anger is a normal emotion, but using it as a weapon against the one you love is not love at all. It is selfish and destroys.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth - Truth should be one of the cornerstones of your marriage. You need to be able to trust your partner with anything. Your marriage needs to be a safe respite from the storms of the outside world. Truth does not give you permission to be brutally honest all the time, however. Tact plays an important role in any marriage relationship.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres - I think this sums it up nicely. Use these last guidelines as a way to measure your thoughts and actions toward your spouse. If they don't fall into one of these categories - they aren't loving. If that's the case, then I encourage you to take a few minutes and think things through. Do you really need to share that thought? Do you need to seek forgiveness for an action?

One final though about "always perseveres"... Never forget that love in marriage is a choice NOT just an emotion - You choose everyday to love your partner or not to. It sounds simplistic, because it is. As a therapist, the lamest thing I hear (and it puts my teeth on edge) is "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you." UGH!!!

I'll be the first to admit that choosing to love your partner isn't easy every day. They will annoy you! They will do things that hurt your feelings! They will be unlovable! That's part of life. The key is the choice. You've chosen to spend the rest of your life with this person. Remembering that choice is the entire crux of any successful marriage.

Alyssa Johnson at Remarriage Success
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