She may very well be attracted to you and thinking sex, but until she feels safe there is no way that she's going to allow herself to act on that impulse.

Her reputation is at stake and she needs to know that you aren't just using her to put another notch on your belt (even if you are), or that you aren't going to blab to all your friends about your conquest.

Even if you do get her into bed before she's completely comfortable with the idea it will likely be the last time she has sex with you. In a case like this she will feel guilty and somewhat like a slut. She will do everything she can to avoid the bad feelings she associates with you which of course means avoiding you all together.

So whatever you do, even if you are sure that you will succeed, don't rush her into sex until she's completely comfortable with the idea.

What if you don't care if you see her again or about how she feels afterwards? Well first of all you are a jerk. Sorry, but that's the way it is.

More importantly, I don't care how good of an actor you are, you will be far more successful at coming across as someone that cares about people if you actually do, so for your own sake start developing that trait.

So how do you go about creating this all important comfort level without coming across as a wimp that's willing to do anything she asks?

It's quite simple really. You do it with your words and actions.

When I say with your words you obviously can't outright say that if she has sex with you that you will still respect her in the morning and that it will remain a secret between the two of you.

What you need to do is cultivate your attitude so that it shows that she is safe with you.

This is important!

You have to actually respect her and her reputation as well as respect yourself. If you can do this your actions and words will automatically tell her what she needs to know. It's a simple concept, but it's extremely powerful.

By the way, did you notice that you have to respect yourself as well? If you have low self esteem I suggest you work on it, there are plenty of books and articles on the subject. Do a search for them and start working on it because without self respect you are not going to succeed with women.

Once you have a certain level of comfort going you can start with some non-sexual and non-threating touching. This is not seduction, but merely a prelude that should get her thinking about having sex with you without it seeming that you are leading her towards it.

Start doing small things like touching her arm or the small of her back when you want to make a point in your conversation. Sit with your knees lightly touching. Any small amount of touching is good as long as it isn't too aggressive.

If the surrounding are right you may even give her a short light kiss, just keep it short and keep your tongue in your mouth. This kiss is just a kiss and nothing more.

So what you are essentially doing is creating arousal at the end of the comfort stage so that things just naturally flow to seduction.

If you don't create some arousal during this stage you will end up stuck in the "just friends" category and as I'm sure you are well aware of, when that happens your chances of having sex with her are zero.

Just be careful to not get over aggressive, while at the same time create arousal. It's a fine line but if you keep your desire in check it will come naturally without any real conscious effort on your part.

If you've succeeded in creating attraction and have managed to make sure she's feels secure and comfortable with you odds are she will seduce you, but wouldn't make it obvious, so you you need to know the signs.

Without Embarrassment will teach you how to meet and date far more women than you ever imagined possible

Gary Caine
©2009

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