Last week I had the easiest pick up and lay in my life, and it all started with me walking by a random girl and saying (using a clear, resonating voice and disinterested, but relaxed and sexual body language), "Hey."

She looked up, expecting me to say something interesting.

My follow-up was simply, "Do you know where the smoothie place is? I'm in the mood for a smoothie."

After that, she kept the conversation going. Simple, right?

Here was the key: I always made sure that she was reacting to me more than I was reacting to her.

When I first started speaking to her, I frankly couldn't care less about what she thought of me.

My mindset was, "I'm just going through my day. But hey, if some hot chick wants to earn my attention, that's cool. If not, I'm going to enjoy my day just the same."

I've coached a lot of guys, and the mistake I most often see a guy make when he opens a conversation with a girl is that he tries to get a response from her.

Maybe he tries too hard to make her laugh. Or he starts asking her weird questions that he shouldn't be interested in when speaking to a total stranger (e.g., "What's you major?" or "How has your day been today?")

This sets her up with a higher value than him.

You see, whenever you set a girl up with a higher value than you (like when you're trying to win her approval), this causes her to lose attraction for you.

In every conversation, there is always one person who is reacting more than the other. The person who reacts less (i.e., is the more relaxed of the two) is the more dominant, or alpha, person.

The person trying to win the other's approval is the one who's more attracted. So a girl will struggle to make small talk and keep the conversation going as long as your value is higher than hers.

Women are attracted to men who are a challenge for them. If at some point it becomes clear that you're trying to win her approval, then there's no longer a challenge for her and she loses interest.

Keep the alpha status and stay in control of the situation right from the beginning. Make sure to not ever react too much to what a girl says. Always remain more relaxed than her.

So the answer to the best way to begin a conversation with a woman is this: Don't try. Don't care what she thinks. Just say whatever you want.

John Alexander is author of How to Become an Alpha Male. Learn the easy way to talk to girls.

John Alexander
Author, "How to Become an Alpha Male"
©2005

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