Dating...isn't that a scene right out of High School? We're haunted by memories of our first date and the nervous tension that resulted from the anticipation of it: "Did I pick the correct outfit?" "Will I smell good to them?" "What will I say during those awkward moments of silence?"

Things haven't changed that much since High School. Often we ask the same question and still get that same sense of nervous anticipation before we embark on a first date with someone.

Dating can be a very intimidating time to even the most experienced, savvy dater. Recently, I asked both men and women who dated frequently (3-4 times a week on average) if they still had first date jitters. The same answer echoed through 93% and that was a resounding, "Yes!"

Amazingly enough, even those people who seem so confident; those who have an endless amount of dating potential as well as a line of prospective suitors, still get those first date jitters. So for those singles that still have troubling memories of their past dating experiences, how do you jump into the dating pool and begin to swim again?

Unlike swimming in a pool filled with water, don't dive into the deep end of the dating pool first, even if you remember how to swim. There may be sharks lurking, waiting to attack. It's always best if you start in the shallow end of the pool.

Put one foot in by heading to a charity event in your area. If you are nervous, as most of us are, prepare for your first encounter, just as you would when you are vying for a promotion at your work.

Practice ahead of time! Make up a little 3x5 flash card set with subjects you can converse on or questions that are conversation initiators (forget about the weather, that's a dried up subject).

Here are a few that you can use that are sure to spark some interest:

1. Talk about your family (positively)
2. Liven up the conversation with topics of any recent travels
3. Ask about their career and how they happened upon
4. Ask about their family (if they shy away, you need to also)

These are just a few topics. If you can't think of any yourself, pour over the Internet for resources on topics of conversation.

Where can you find a dating pool in your area?

Sporting clubs (the kind that you actually participate in sports)

Specialty courses at a junior college or community center

Coffee Café's

Grocery Stores (I talk about that in my book)

Again, this is just a few ideas. The most important thing when you're swimming in the pool is to avoid offensive behavior. That's determined by the pool you are in. Good luck and remember, start at the shallow end before you dive into the deep waters, a life vest may not be available.

Jaci Rae
©2006

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