When you first start seeing someone, the lust is uncontrollable. You can barely keep your hands off each other. There is hardly a moment when you're not physically connected. Then a few years down the road, you hardly touch except to make love. Unbeknownst to you, this can prove to be detrimental to the relationship.

Men don't require much physical attention to feel close to their partners. Being allowed to put it in her warm place on a regular basis is enough to feel a strong bond. However, women react differently. They love to be touched and caressed. If not given enough physical contact outside the bedroom, they can begin to feel objectified and devalued. Men typically don't understand this because they are not fully appreciative of what it is like to be a woman.

Women spend much of their lives fighting objectification. From the day she got boobs, men of all ages have been leering at her sexually. It's a life-changing moment the first time a girl catches one of her dad's best friends looking at her ass. When she is in a relationship, she does not want her partner to make her feel the way she did when she caught "Uncle Larry" checking her out.

It's not too difficult to avoid coming across as Chester the Molester. You just need to learn to express some physical intimacy when you're not in the sack. That doesn't mean fondle her breasts while you're sitting on the couch. It means employing other forms of touch into your relationship.

One of the greatest intimacy builders can be simple hand holding. Whether you're walking down the street or sitting in a movie, grab her hand just to hold it, but not to put it on your crotch. It will make her feel warm and comforted. Don't be afraid to kiss her fingers or stroke her palm. The sensations will increase her desire to touch you with more body parts.

Another under-utilized bonding tool is hugging. Wrapping her in a warm embrace, with no pretenses of poking her with your boner, makes her feel secure. Hold her while you chat about your day. Stroke her back, and give her little kisses on the nose. Gaze into her eyes for a long period of time. Studies have shown that prolonged eye contact is an intimacy builder, and intimacy is what she wants to feel with you.

Lastly, kiss her. Kiss her just to kiss her. If you can manage that without humping her leg, the emotional reward she feels with greatly outweigh the physical reward you get from sex. Don't just kiss her to humor her, really appreciate what she gets out of it. The more you bond physically outside the bedroom, the more she's going to want to bond in the sack!

Michael Webb
©2009

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