Just what is that thing called "LOVE"?

Many people have different opinions regarding this. Frankly speaking, it can't be defined; because if it can be defined, it won't be the genuine love that all of us are trying to seek afterall.

This is what I think - what is happening when we fall in love?

To understand that which is called "Love", you have to understand that all human beings are born with basic needs such as love, power, fun, freedom and survival. Whatever we do all our lives, we are always attempting to live in a way that will best satisfy one or more of these needs.

And this is all natural. This is what make us humans.

When we meet the love of our life; we fall in love; we hit it off right away. Because there is something about him or her which makes us FEEL GOOD! And feeling good about ourselves is a basic need. Different people will have different relationship experiences.

But one thing that is common to us all is that whenever we are with our love interest, we find one or more of our needs being satisfied. One person will FEEL GOOD about being with that special someone. Another person may find himself or herself useful in some ways, and he or she gets a feeling of SELF WORTH. And yet, another person find himself or herself being in POWER in the relationship; and if he or she craves for power; the need to stay in the relationship arises.

This could be the truth of reality in our relationships with other people.

Your partner is constantly thinking, whether consciously or subconsciously, "What's in it for me to keep this relationship or marriage with you?"

If what your partner is being asked to do satisfy one or more of his basic needs, a great deal of things gets done.

If your partner cares for you and he or she feels good in the process, he may even do what is distasteful to himself because pleasing you strongly satisfies his basic need for love and friendship. This means that as much as we dislike it, we may run errands for our mate because we care for them, but if we stop caring for our love interests, we may stop running errands for them.

Much misery from relationships and marriages is caused by our failure to understand that we cannot get other people, even if we love them and they love us, to do what we want them to do if it is extremely unsatisfying to them.

Many of us struggle painfully to try to make a loved one we love change his or her ways because we know that what we want them to do is better for him or her than what they are doing. Time may prove us right.

However, what many of us do is to engage in what is often a losing battle, because we have forgotten that our loved ones have their own needs to satisfy too!

When our partner stay out late at night, how would you feel? Some of you may worry and suffer beyond belief. But the more you act the boss and try to force him or her into coming home at a reasonable hour, the less control they seem to have and the more miserable they are.

Although we can control our own behaviour, it is obvious that much of what we choose to do is an attempt to control others.

To keep a relationship or marriage long lasting, you have to constantly ask yourself if you are WILLING and ABLE to take from your partner what he or she is able to give during this point in time of their life.

This is why true love only exists when we can take care of our own needs, and able to love ourselves as much as we love our partners.

Imagine if you are nagging, complaining, comparing, questioning, pestering the love of your life all day long regarding your relationship, your circumstances and conditions. You are depressed, unhappy, confused, and lost. And there's a dark gloom over your head.

Let me tell you something, your partner is not able, or perhaps, will not do anything about it! Tell me, which parts of the state you are in now will satisfy his or her basic needs? What is it ABOUT YOU that will help him or her to see you in a new light, and to want to be with you once again?

Next issue, I'll tell you the secret to a long lasting, healthy, and fulfilling relationship, and this is exactly the secret which so many successful couples find it hard explaining and telling.

©2006

Show All Articles By Cucan Pemo

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